


Even Monsters Try to Sleep

by lyriumnug



Category: Purple Hyacinth - Ephemerys & Sophism (Webcomic)
Genre: Canon Compliant, F/M, I have no excuse for not writing fluff I kind of just went huh what if so let's write something, Indiscernible if this if fluff or angst and at this point I'm too afraid to ask, Kywi if you squint for like 20 seconds of reading, Lauren and Kieran basically having the same dynamic as Heather and Alejandro from Total Drama, Mentions of Chapter 43, Mentions of choking, Nightmares, Trauma, i hope???, please forgive me I haven't written fanfiction in over five years GOD, spoilers for chapter 43
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-01
Updated: 2021-02-01
Packaged: 2021-03-12 19:28:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,834
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29140788
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lyriumnug/pseuds/lyriumnug
Summary: Lauren was stubborn to a tee when it came to dealing with the unnecessary, especially when that certain unnecessary was her own wellbeing.What if Lauren and Kieran went to Greychapel more than once?(Written as a what if scenario to their fake dating and Lauki's time searching for information in Greychapel at night right after chapter 60.)SPOILERS OF SEASON 2
Relationships: Lauren Sinclair & Kieran White, Lauren Sinclair/Kieran White
Comments: 8
Kudos: 55





	Even Monsters Try to Sleep

**Author's Note:**

> Hey! This is my first time writing fanfic in a while. Nothing from my old fandoms really inspired me anymore so I'm glad to have gotten into Purple Hyacinth. Thank you for reading this even though it's pretty rough around the edges and possibly a little OOC at times <3
> 
> Thank you to my Betas rottenrosette and yenny

_Tight_

Every time she saw him in the office, instinctually something in her tensed up. Her arms, no, her legs. Maybe all of her being. Lauren's throat dried, but it was something she could swallow. They didn't talk much in the office. Luckily, she might say. At least until this morning, he hadn't dared to push their charade. 

"Coffee, Officer Sinclair?" Kieran chimed, hands wrapped around her signature cup filmed to the brim. 

Looking up from her papers, she directly met his piercing blue eyes. They were so much clearer through his glasses. It only took her mere seconds for her gaze to narrow in caution. The way his hand wrapped around the handle, how his knuckles turned white from the clench. It put her on edge. 

"No thank you. I don't think I need any this morning." 

Kieran chuckled, "You look awfully tired. I can't imagine you being able to stay alert without caffeine."

"Then don't imagine it and just observe, Mr. White," She muttered, rising from her chair and picking up the files piled up on her desk. The fake smile on her face couldn’t be any more forced. 

She had been put on permanent leave by William due to her concussion, which, by the way, was quite the annoyance. Lauren, however, wasn't one to just stop working. Her mind was always at work in its own way.

If she worked in the office, maybe it would keep her from suspicion of being a part of Lune, she figured. Or maybe it was that she still didn't trust Kieran to be in the precinct without her around. Even with what he told her at the Carmine Camellia, she couldn't trust him; not entirely, at least. 

Lauren made her way into the hallway with a certain archivist to follow. He wasn't actively trying to close the distance between them, but his presence behind her made her unnerved, to say the least.

"Is there any reason you've decided to walk with me?"

"I'm just returning to the archives. You do know where that is, right?" Kieran poked, his steps keeping in time with hers. "Besides, I can't so much as leave my _very_ significant other to walk by themselves in the hallway. Especially since we have a _date_ tonight that my **_very_ ** _significant other_ hasn't confirmed yet. As I recall, it was in Greychapel at midnight."

These late night stakeouts and searches always left her with nothing but fatigue. No results, no clues on the Phantom Scythe, and no nitroglycerine. All it was was being stuck with Kieran in the cold, sludging around for hours in blackened snow to find nothing. The nights were so long they blended right into the day; right into her work shift, rather. 

"Maybe said _significant other_ needs some _rest_ from the constant dates with her said **_significant_** **_other._** " Lauren chided, tensing up a bit at the prospect. "I haven't slept. I need sleep. I don't know if you realize this, but unlike you, I'm human and actually need rest."

She looked tired, yes, but upon looking closer at her he noticed she had been biting her cheek. Her eye bags were almost as heavy as how she carried herself. He could mask his concern, but only by putting on his usual facade of wit and charm.

"Monsters sleep too; maybe not as much as humans, but they do sleep. I can certainly tell you haven't. Why are you here? Sleep during the day; you have the write off to do so."

"I actually have a job to get done. If I don’t stay here they may suspect me, William especially." The officer spat back as she brought her hand up to scratch her head. “Besides, I haven’t slept well, either, not that it’s any of your business.” 

“You should still try, regardless. Look, right there.” Kieran directed, gesturing towards the medics office, “You could go in and conk out right now. Pretend you’re ill or something. That always works, doesn’t it?” 

Lauren shifted, slightly uncomfortable with his forwardness; she could feel her head getting heavy and a ringing in her ears. "It's not that simple. You don't understand what I mean, and I don't want you closer to me than necessary, remember?"

"Look, I need to get this information as much as you. I'm not sure if you recall, but there's a set date."

"I remember, and we're working on it-"

"Not hard enough. We haven't looked long enough," Kieran interjected.

"Then what do you suggest we _do_ then? We've already looked through most _all_ of Greychapel!"

"I _suggest_ you stop being _stubborn_ and take care of yourself! You're not doing _either_ of us any favors by working yourself to death. What, do you want _another_ **_Allendale_** _on your hands_?"

"Of course I don't - _how_ could you even **_say_ ** that!? I-" She exclaimed before staggering backwards, her hand shooting up to hold her head. Her teeth grinded and her body cringed as another wave of sharp pain pulsed through her skull. Lauren took her other arm and steadied herself against the wall. 

"Lauren-" He reached out slightly before pulling back. 

" _Don't-_...Don't touch me." She whipped around weakly, still clenching her head. Her movements were raw and not as guarded as he was used to. 

The events of the cave had only happened a while ago, but she hadn't treated the probable concussion. It wasn't made any better by the clobbering she received in the back of her head when she tracked Sake. Lauren was stubborn to a tee when it came to dealing with the unnecessary, especially when that certain unnecessary was her own wellbeing.

It was hard for Kieran to contain his concern over her pain. He had caused this, he was responsible. He had hurt so many others in his life, but he never had to watch the lasting effects. It was always a slice, a pool of blood, and the drop of a purple hyacinth. 

For those few seconds he held her life in his hands. He had always seen the light in his victims eyes wither away, but to imagine her amber irises never looking at him again with their usual judgement and sarcasm made him feel strangely empty. Kieran felt hollow enough to feel more human, even for that swift second. 

"I won't." He relented. "I'm a man of my word."

"Past events wouldn't agree. Just make yourself useful and open the door for me."

"Of course."

Walking past her, Kieran propped open the door with his body. The infirmary was empty. It felt slightly cold, the snow at the edge of the window boxing them in even more. 

Lauren followed suit, laying flat onto one of the cots next to the window, covering her face with an extra pillow. The pounding in her head wouldn't stop, but shutting out the sunset from Ardhalis at least gave her some modicum of relief. 

"Laying with your head down isn't going to help you."

"Did I look like I asked you for advice?" She retorted, her temper slowly ticking up towards annoyance. Lauren didn't have the patience or time to deal with him at the moment despite having built the tolerance. 

He sat himself in a chair to the side of her cot overlooking the window, moving it further away. "No, I suppose you didn't...but you're not going to get better if you keep that up...or rather, down in your case."

"Say what you want to say and leave. You told me to sleep, so I'll sleep." 

"I thought you said you _couldn't_ sleep." He said slightly snide, tilting his head to the side with a smirk. He felt a small bit of his usual charisma flow back into his dialogue. "You don't suppose you'll just be able to sleep with a concussion."

_What does he even want? Why does he even **care**?_

Lauren grimaced, pulling the pillow away just to scowl at him as she propped herself up. "I won't be able to sleep with you annoying me, either. Why are you still here?"

_Because it's my fault, because you don't know how to treat a concussion, because I'm sorry._

"Because if you don't treat yourself it will make the investigation more difficult. I don't imagine you want to hop around on rooftops when you feel like you're about to pass out or throw up." He chuckled under his breath at his own suggestion. "If I leave, I honestly don't trust you to fall asleep."

He was such a smart ass. 

Lauren didn't even care anymore at this point. Pushing to make him leave would just stress her out more and make the pain worse. Maybe if he was quiet like he said then she could sleep. Knowing him, though, could he even shut his mouth for that long?

"I don't have the patience to argue with you anymore. Just do whatever you want...but do it over there where I don't have to see you. Wake me up when the shift ends and we'll go to Greychapel."

"So eager to go on our date?" He chuckled half-heartedly, draping his leg over his knee and leaning his elbow on the window sill. "Whatever you say."

With that, she turned onto her side, her dark auburn hair falling down her shoulders. It only took about ten minutes before he heard her breathing at a steady pace, her shoulders raising with each inhalation. 

_For someone who said sleeping was difficult, she looks so peaceful..._

He almost lost track of time watching her lay there. How much time could one take just staring at another human. Sure, he'd look at others when he drew, but the only people he'd see up close with such intimacy were the ones he killed. They stayed unflinching and cold to the touch, but her? She was full of life. 

Kieran noticed the way her eyebrows furrowed as she slept, how she nudged her face instinctively as if there were an itch. It was such a small detail about her, and it definitely wasn't something he thought he'd ever see in his life. Should he even be allowed to see this? He didn't want to question it; only enjoy the moment where time stood still.

But then it stopped. 

Her hands that laid gently at her sides gripped the sheets tightly, her mouth clenched shut, and her face contorted in discomfort. He was no stranger to night terrors, especially in his line of work. But the most unnerving part was hearing her muttering in her sleep.

"Let….l-let go of…. _s-stop_ . Dyl-... **wait for me**." Lauren gushed breathily, each word stringing itself to another stab to his heart. 

The words made his blood run cold. She was already sweating in her sleep. Was her fear of him so deep that it kept her up? Was he the reason she couldn't sleep? He couldn't look at her anymore. Kieran felt himself fly out of his body, but he knew he could never escape who he was and what he had done. 

She shot up in a stir, breathing heavily, chest raising and arms slumped forward. Quickly, Kieran slumped back into his chair and shut his eyes, hoping she would disregard him. 

"K..Kieran?" She croaked with a grunt, scratching her head. "Are you awake?"

She couldn't sense the lie if he didn't say anything, right? 

Lauren scanned him, eyes squinting to focus as the room was now only lit by moonlight pouring in from the window. Seeing his body illuminated by its rays reminded her of their missions and the exhilaration she wouldn't admit she felt while running across roofs with him. 

She remembered his cerulean eyes piercing through the night, his hands drenched in blood as he stood over her, offering his hand. Taking it felt like agreeing to a deal with the devil, and at this point Lauren was in too deep to back out. No matter how much she wanted to remove herself from what he had become in her eyes after the tower, she wouldn't be able to ignore his existence. 

Her eyes softened on him for a moment before she slowly readjusted herself back into the bed, this time being sure to elevate her head for more comfort. He could have opened his eyes at any time, but it felt sort of...nice being around someone else with his eyes closed. For the first time in a while, it felt like Kieran was sleeping next to someone else, unguarded and not alone in his night terrors. 

As much as he enjoyed it, Kieran knew it wasn't what she wanted. Hell, even being in this close of proximity put her on edge, he could tell. He would stay away, he wouldn't take comfort in this. It didn't feel right. He owed it to her not to let himself take comfort in their common struggles. 

Before he could stop, Kieran found himself autonomously standing up and reaching out to her. He wondered how it felt to touch her. A part of him was conflicted; the last time they touched so closely it was the cave, and the last time he so much as held her, it was in his forceful grip. 

He faltered, fingers shaking as he was mere inches from her hand that was laid by her face. He couldn't do this. Why was he so selfish? Why was he _always_ so selfish? Everything he had ever done was out of self preservation, but the one time he wanted to make sure someone else was slightly alleviated he screwed that up as well. 

Kieran withdrew, faltering back a step from the cot, feeling himself getting further and further away from her before he even knew his legs were moving on their own. He pushed his back up against the door before taking one last look at her, eyes heavy-lidded and brows up-turned. Kieran's mind raced with thoughts of consideration. Should I stay? Should I go?

Greychapel could wait one more day, right...? They hadn't made any progress thus far anyways. But time was crucial and lives were at stake. Lauren would have wanted to go, though, and she told him she would. 

_I'll go on my own. I'll...leave her at least for tonight._

Lingering on her once more before turning away, he took in as much of the sight of her as he could etch into his mind; he did that for his sketches. Her fiery auburn hair, her long eyelashes that upturned just slightly on their own, and the face that momentarily wasn't scowling at him. That was rare indeed. 

With that in his mind, he left her, quiet as possible as not to stir her again. The assassin training was good for one thing at least: leaving without a trace. 

"Sweet dreams."

* * *

Lauren wasn't entirely sure what woke her up first: the annoyingly bright and targeted beam of sunlight or Kym's barrage of questions. One thing was for sure, though: she didn't want to get up.

"So you had a sleepover at the precinct and didn't even _invite_ me? Man, what are friends even _for_ , Lauren?" 

William sighed as he sat on the edge of Lauren's cot."First of all, no one was going to have a sleepover, and even if you slept here I know you wouldn't finish your paperwork."

" _Rude_ , Willame! And sleepovers aren't meant for work, they're meant for fun." Kym rolled her eyes, teasing her lieutenant. "Though in Lauren's case, I bet she didn't do much sleeping at all, if ya' know what I mean." She said with a wink and cocky smile. 

William and Lauren looked at each other then back at Kym, both used to her antics and ever ready to roll their eyes. 

Lauren furrowed her eyebrows as she sat up a bit from the bed, back now against the headboard. "I didn't work if that's what you're implying."

"I didn't see Mr. Attractive-Archivist- **Dreamboat-** Adonis punch out last night with the rest of us." 

"Kym, stop trying to put words into other people's m-"

"I BET IT WAS _SO_ ROMANTIC!" The sergeant sighed happily, falling back onto the bed with her friends. "I bet you guys like, I don't know, maybe like MADE OUT ALL OVER THE PLACE. Hermann's desk? God, **PLEASE** , tell me you did it on his des-MRPH!"

"Anyways Lauren, there was a letter on your desk." Will chimed in, disregarding Kym who he had quieted by putting his hand over her mouth. "I'm supposing it came from him? I won't ask what you did after hours, but I can't make any promises about _her_."

Lauren quickly came to her senses, realizing that she was supposed to go to Greychapel and that he was supposed to wake her. 

_What happened?_

"Fine, fine, I won't ask any questions... _for now_ . But I better get _all_ the juicy details later when I come over to hang out." Kym relented. She raised herself off the bed and took Will's hand to drag him out with her, much to his surprise. "Will and I are going to go get lunch."

Leaving the letter with her, the two left the infirmary. She could hear them bickering from the hallway. Well..more like Kym being her usual self and Will bearing it to the best of his abilities. She couldn't say it wasn't typical of her friends. 

_Why didn't he wake me up…?_

Lauren had no memories of last night up until the point of falling asleep with Kieran watching less than silently. Rather, he watched vigilantly and commented often. But why was he gone now? Maybe he mentioned why in the letter. 

Opening the tightly closed paper, she glossed her fingers over the words as she began to read silently. 

_Lauren_

_I realized that I have some errands to attend to on my own and that I, unfortunately, have to cancel the regular rendevouz at our favorite spot. I know you think it's on you to schedule these dates of ours, but rest assured I will be the one to worry about this one that I owe you. Besides, we both know that_ **_I_ ** _am the one who can't resist the sights of Greychapel._

_I suggest you take this time to close your eyes and rest. Pushing yourself too hard can push you to your limits. You know I know that better than anyone._

_I will see you at the rendezvous in two days._

_Kieran_

_P.S. I heard blueberries help a concussion. Treat yourself once in a while, Officer Sinclair._

She knew with how he was writing it had to be under the guise of their fake relationship in the event that Kym would read it….which she definitely did. Still, something inside her felt...twinged upon reading his words. 

Why was he being so kind? Kieran was so adamant about going to Greychapel last night and for what? Him to just leave her to rest while he went by himself? No. Chivalry was dead, and if it wasn't, she would kill it herself. 

Instead of doing what he asked, Lauren rose hastily out of bed and headed straight to the archives. It must have been noon by the looks of it, so he definitely should be there. Despite her ban from the area, she was at least allowed to knock. 

"Kieran!"

No response. Maybe she would try to lure him out.

"I'm about to go to lunch."

"No thanks, I already ate." He said, standing a couple of feet behind her, still snacking off of something he held in his hand. "I see you couldn't stay away. Blueberry?" He offered. 

Jumping in surprise, her eyes bugged out at him. She wouldn't have been as surprised were she not so exhausted from morning fatigue. "I read your letter."

"I have _excellent_ penmanship, don't I?"

Lauren rolled her eyes as she turned to him, annoyance in full swing. "Greychapel. What happened?"

"You want all that information so early in the morning? I'm not sure that you'll be able to contain all of your excitement."

"Just tell me what you found, White."

"Would it surprise you to say I found absolutely nothing but snow on the ground and trash in their cans?" Kieran shrugged. "It was as gloomy as usual, just missing the second set of footsteps." 

"It...wouldn't surprise me. But why go without me? We said we would go together."

It wasn't that Lauren was upset he went without her, it's that he made the executive decision not to wake her when that's what she asked of him. It was one simple request and he couldn't even do that. 

"You said you would wake me up, remember?"

The assassin shrugged as he went to throw the leftover blueberries in a nearby waste bin. "You _asked_ me to wake you, but you needed sleep. How _harsh_ of me for being a caring _boyfriend_ and letting you rest."

"I-..." 

She wanted a reason to be mad at him, she really did. Everything else in her life was imploding and he was almost _always_ the cause, but this time she was just the smallest bit thankful for his random act of consideration for her well being. As thankful as she could be to the one who caused the concussion to begin with, at least.

Lauren sighed and shifted her eyes away from him, darting to almost anything else. "Thank you. I...I don't need two nights to recover. I'd rather go today. N-Not that it's up to you, it's entirely up to me. Rendezvous tonight."

"Fair enough. I'll see you after hours then."

Both turned away to go to their separate areas of the precinct until she heard him call out to her after some space was out between them.

"And Lauren."

"Yes?" She replied, slightly turning her head to pay him heed but keeping her body in the direction it was going. 

"I'm...glad you had the chance to sleep. You should do that more often, you know. _Sleep_."

Kieran stood for a bit and watched her walk away, calmly eyeing her back up and down. He wouldn't elaborate further to himself, but it made him feel more at ease to see her moving with the same confidence and power as when they first met. And though he wouldn't admit it, maybe he was looking forward to this "date", just like he looked forward to all the others in the past. 

He still felt guilty for the cave. He still felt guilty for Bella's bludgeoning. He felt guilty for most every interaction he had with her, but his mind kept reeling back to the vision of her in bed looking so peaceful. It was one moment that brought him a new smidgeon of humanity; one that pulled him away from it all. He hoped that one day in her life, Lauren could return to that state of bliss, with or without him in it. That's what keeps him going. 

**Author's Note:**

> Leave me a comment if you think I should continue or write other stuff or...just leave a comment I don't control what you do.


End file.
